Friday, December 14, 2012

Currie's Gratitude 14 December 2012

It isn’t always the first thing I DO
In fact, sometimes I really DO try
BEing some way I think is expected.
And only after DO I wonder why
I dismissed BEing Sincere
Out of hand
Without even a pause…

The other evening I was reading this little book I have had forever. The essay I read is called Be Sincere. There is this one line, When others depend on your strength, it is your sincerity they are counting on.

This stopped me cold. I had this sudden parade of memory, of the times I’ve been insincere as well the times I’ve BElieved and depended upon another [or others] on whom it turned out I should NOT have depended nor in whom I should have BElieved.

I have significant difficulty speaking directly to someone whom I canNOT BE sure of. I feel small and childish. I am afraid of their reaction so I try, if I must speak with them directly, to BE neutral, which is ultimately insincere.

While I can easily show up in written form, BEing direct is much more difficult for me. As I think about this I see it showing up over and over in my Life. Driven by fear or another’s reaction I have “risen above” only to scale new heights of insincerity…

I love you, Currie

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