Thursday, February 28, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 28 February 2013

Awhile ago I wrote about Listening BEing part of and essential to the gift Sincerity. What I am aware of Today is that the gift of Listening is one that I can [and dare I say should] give to myself.

Often. With intention.

It is NOT all that different from the one I give to another, and yet it is wholly singular, too.

Sometimes I go through an entire day without really listening to myself. Without taking the time to pay attention and BE Present and just LISTEN.

It isn’t so odd, really, there is so much to distract me. BEsides, isn’t spending all that time giving myself the gift of Listening just selfish and self-serving?!

Strange, the questions I ask, and seem to answer without giving them a thought, really…

When I DO gift myself with Listening I discover myself in new and often wonderful [though nearly as often disturbing] ways. I find out what it is that is BEhind my Hopes, underneath my Desires, and wrapped tight inside my Questions.

I discern my BEliefs. I encounter my Values. And above and BEyond all that, I learn myself.

I am taught what I teach others about how to treat me.

And oh that is rich to mine in the midst of all the noise and Worldly commotion…

I love you, Currie

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 27 February 2013

Sometimes laughter isn’t seen as a gift. 

Sometimes it’s an interruption, inappropriate, or in the wrong place and/or the wrong time.

What can I say?! Laughter occurs…

I enJOY laughter. It is the one thing NOT missing from this solitary Life. I laugh a LOT. 

And if I lose my laughter, or have a hard time feeling it, Gracie pretty much always sets that right.

Giving the gift of laughter is sometimes like giving applause and feels as good as a standing ovation. 

It is a connection that requires no translation. 

It is the universal key that brings all people everywhere together. [and I’m thinking all animals, too…]

Awhile back I was a bit wound-up and hurting myself with loop-de-loop thinkingandfeeling. I felt so bad that I took action KNOWING FULL WELL that there could [and likely would] BE consequences.

Well, it wasn’t the end of the World, by any stretch, but one thing came out of it that brings my laughter to the front about 9 gazillion times each day.

My brother sent me a picture of his Golden, Ace, and a few simple words: BE the dog… I printed it and added the words to the photo then hung it on my window.

It helps. 

It reminds. 

And most of all it gives me REAL perspective…

I love you, Currie

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 26 February 2013

I really don’t know what I was thinking when I chose the word, zest, as the 26th gift I could bring, yet after the past hour and a half of writing about and creating a piece of art I think speaks to it, I’m glad for whatever it was that caused me to choose it.

Mostly we think of zest as a sort of exuberance and freedom; or as that particular citrus flavouring. At least I DO/did…

Now I think zest is much more about what we hold in our hearts and our minds. 

And I think it is much more about BEing Present inside of another’s moment, especially another’s JOYous moment when our own little moments aren’t really having much to DO with JOY at all.

Zest is a sparkly word. It sings off the tongue, perhaps it even makes our mouths break into a grin. It has done all those for me this morning.

[And sharing that Here, Now, with YOU makes me laugh out loud!!]

Another thing I’ve discovered is that this process, my Morning Practise of creating this gift to share with you in Gratitude, it adds tremendous zest to my days.

And to all of my Life.

It lets me feel generous and discover how truly much I enJOY giving this to you…

I love you, Currie

Monday, February 25, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 25 February 2013

I BElieve this. 

So often, no matter the consequence, I have held onto something simply BEcause asking for it out loud was simply too terrifying to imagine. 

As long as I could hold onto it, keep it inside me, EVERYthing was still possible.

And yet this is no way to LIVE a Life.

It is NOT even a way of BEing that has potential.

It is like BEcoming frozen in Time.

It is, in a way, a little death.

What happens when the door is thrown open and the request goes flying out into the World, well, it’s Now BEyond my control. 

Though I haven’t the desire to Control The Universe I once wanted with all of me, I still tremble at the vulnerability of Hoping for YES! and despair of the rollercoaster ride that is, for me, the unDOing of a NOT YES!

And while all of this sounds rather grim and desolate, actually “touching” it is giving me some remarkable sort of Freedom, the likes of which I haven’t experienced up until Now.

On “this end,” of receiving a request, where I say YES! or NOT YES! the territory is a little more forgiving. 

I think it’s BEcause I haven’t really had so much experience with it.

Which is a giraffe of an entirely different colour…

I love you, Currie

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 24 February 2013

I’ve been seeing through a new-to-me [or mayBE I am just Now really “aware” of it] filter. It’s grabbed hold my attention and focus. Having seen it, it is hard Now to NOT BE aware of it.

Oh, but I DO try…

This is a sort of pattern for me. Seeing what is Right There in front of my nose, though I’d swear it never EVER was there BEfore.

The Gratitude is in the Choice I have once I am seeing clearly. Once I have accepted that it really is My Choice HOW to hold whatever it is, I feel tremendous freedom.

And also trepidation.

Life is pretty much all like this though. After a time, once we’re grown and on our own in the World, the ability to choose our perspectives on things BEcomes simpler. Less weighed down by dictates, a desire to please, or simply our wish to go along without causing much of a ripple.

I’m rather surprised to learn how hesitant I am about stirring things up when they seem happily settled in some order and design. Yet there are times Now when I lose my cautious ways, step into a moment, and, well, mayBE the word is, SHINE.

Really though, I am only BEing. Only inhabiting my little footprint in my own way…

I love you, Currie

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 23 February 2013

There are, I realise, different ways to interpret or define Wonder. For instance, Wonder can BE a feeling of uncertainty and doubt. It can also BE the feelings of awe and amazement. How and precisely where does uncertainty BEcome awe?!

I’m NOT saying it has to transform, nor DO I hold that it must only BE one or the other. BEsides, Wonder is so much MORE than its word-contained understandings.

Presently, I am thinking of Wonder as multi-faceted. Within it lies that which I DO NOT know, yet, that I both WANT to know and I am HOPING will go as I wish.

On the other hand, it’s also quite full and overflowing with a never considered and truly unimagined opportunity to KNOW MYSELF in a way that is Clear and Enough. I think that is its greatest revelation for me.

I am realising that I have often held onto my dreams and desires simply to stay in the thrall of their imagining. To let them BE spoken aloud and put into play means I will no longer have them to visualise BEcause they are free Now to transform into Real Things which, well which frankly I canNOT control at all.

This gift, Wonder, despite the “downside” inherent in it, is a gift I receive [and give] gratefully.

I love you, Currie

Friday, February 22, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 22 February 2013

It is all well and good [and of course very safe] to keep dreams stuffed away, to take them out only to play with them. It’s much riskier to speak them aloud. To put them out into the World where they can BE dashed, upended, ridiculed, and even denied.

I know this. I have it on good authority.

When I dare to voice my dreams, to ask for something from someone, to invite someone in who I am willing to share with that boldly , I really and truly hope I am NOT making a BIG and NOT-so BEautimous mistake.

But even if I AM, I choose to trust this process. To trust that I am given only “good orderly direction” BEcause if I DON’T [won’t or canNOT] trust that, well, whatever is the point?!

Life is a daring adventure, so said someone of renown, and I agree.

I’ve done things in my Life, out loud, in front of many [or sometimes only a few] and been called Brave as well as Foolish.

I’ve learned to play it safe and please and NOT, under any circumstances, Rock The Boat.

And I’ve settled, accommodated, and squish-squashed myself into spaces where I clearly did NOT fit or BElong.

Now I’ve asked for my heart’s desire. It takes my breath away…

I love you, Currie

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 21 February 2013

Unconditionality usually applies to Love. Yet when I consider it as a gift I can give, I see where it has as profound an effect on things NOT considered “Love-like” at all.

Case in point, the unconditionality of Time.

When I BEgan making art again after way many decades of stuffing it in the bottom of the bottom box in the way back of some garage I may have lived in but am NOT entirely sure when, I had absolutely no clue WHAT to DO or Where to BEgin.

Enter Gracie. A deLIGHTful subject to photograph and Ah-Hah!! Now we have digital cameras so no film to slow me down.

AND… I can play with my photos of her with zero restrictions. [other than, of course, my own willingness to make mistakes, lots and lots of mistakes]

I remember where and why I stopped thinking I could BE an artist. I stopped in college BEcause I wasn’t as good as and certainly NOT good enough.

With no one to grade me, nor anyone to compare myself to, I have had the freedom to run wild and free, make mistakes, try again, and most of all, SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF…

This unconditionality of Time is really quite a remarkable thing. No limits. No restrictions. Only my desire to PLAY.

I love you, Currie

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 20 February 2013

Whether we’re talking 24 hours or 1440 minutes or some fraction or multiple of either, we all get the same gift of TIME each day we get to live our Life.

Imagine that, just for a moment…

So, if that is true, and it is, why is it sometimes we say we haven’t the TIME to DO whatever it is we BElieve we haven’t the TIME to DO [or BE, or Try, or whatever]?!

I don’t know the answer except that when I see it in that light I am much clearer about my mastery of making excuses.

What I BElieve is at the heart of this is that while we each DO get those 1440 minutes, oftentimes we’ve previously committed a portion [or several portions] of them to other people, places, roles we play, and a myriad of activities.

BEcause of circumstances at this point in my Life, I sometimes imagine I have “more TIME” than others. I don’t. It is how I am utilising my TIME that makes it seem so, thus “making me BElieve“ that happy little story.

Humbling as it is, I have peeked back and seen [stared in disBElief] at my colossal capacity for “Wasting” TIME. “Killing” TIME. And “Filling” it.

That this has changed and continues changing is where my Gratitude shines…

I love you, Currie

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 19 February 2013

Sincerity. It’s a word I generally associate with how you sign a business letter, Sincerely. I don’t really like signing off that way, but I suppose it is more palatable than Yours Truly, and less dangerous than Love

Funny, considering Love a dangerous way to close a letter…


Sincerity is something it seems is considered almost ridiculous in the World Today. It is NOT as valued as BEing smooth, cutting edge, and effective. Efficiency is much more precious than Sincerity. MayBE I should just say that it seems so to me. Yet, I don’t think I am alone in this. In fact, I am just about positive that most every person reading this can point to a pocket of shame that clouds their willingness to demonstrate their own brand[s] of Sincerity.

BEing cool, having the advantage over others, and getting there quicker, cheaper, and BEfore anyone else seems to drive a LOT of what goes on in the World Today. I don’t really understand this completely, yet I have accustomed myself to it. I have come to accept it as a fact when really it is only an attitude, one that likely will morph into something else in Time…

I tend toward BEing completely Sincere and hopelessly uncool. I’m coming to accept this.

Although quite without shame…

I love you, Currie

Monday, February 18, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 18 February 2013

Respect is a curious commodity to trade in. It is NOT always seen the same way by two people, nor DO we always understand its comings and goings within ourselves.
This is what I am thinking anyway…

Respect for different opinions, ways of living one’s Life, work that is meaningful to one that wouldn’t hold any meaning for another, and especially the thoughts of any human as their unique collection of BEliefs, Ideas, and Convictions, are often thoughtlessly dismissed BEtween one and another.

I think that for the large part of Life that was my childhood, as well into my early adulthood, I thought about Respect NOT as something shared with another but only what I gave or “performed” in my words and actions.

A lot older and with more insight to draw upon, when I was teaching the 1st to 4th grades, I made Respect one of the essential pieces of our first month together. I had grown to have strong feelings, the sort that seem to have BEcome my Convictions about Respect, and I wanted to give these little ones what I had.

I don’t know how [or if] that carried through for them, but I DO know how it changed ME.

Pretty much completely.

Most of all I came to understand the magic of Self-Respect.

I love you, Currie

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 17 February 2013

Somedays I am quieter than others. Perhaps this is true for you as well. On these quiet days I am listening to something the daily noise of Life seems to drown out. It is the sound of Peace and Hope and, well, God…

While it seems many people talk with and to God, and many of those hear God talking to them, I sense something altogether different in the spaces BEtween the noise of Life and my connection with God.

I sense the Generosity of Life.

I sense the Possible woven in and through what so long I imagined IMPOSSIBLE.

I sense, too, how God has gently guided me toward what daily unfolds as my Life. Now.

In the noise of all that I felt was Lost, Deleted, and Forever Evaporated, I hardly thought about God. Or even Peace and Hope. I banged about and charged headlong into this then that, simply hoping against hope I’d find somewhere I fit and would BE welcomed, gladly, and generously…

This is NOT what happened. NOT even when I pretended with all that I had in me it was. As I tried to squeeze myself into spaces I’d BEcome stuck, never EVER ONCE thinking it was a gift I did NOT fit there…

In the quiet of realisation I found God.

I love you, Currie

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 16 February 2013

The gift of prayer is both given and received, yet the spectrum across which this happens isn’t always in view. That is part of the mystery and the magic of prayer.

I often wonder, when I pray, is this how others pray?! Am I DOing this right?! Is there a “right way” to pray?!

Mostly I don’t get answers to these questions, yet asking them is enough to loosen the lid…

I haven’t always seen prayer this simply. In fact, I used to BE a Very Determined To Get My Way, dammit, sort of pray-er. [see, it even shoes up in my writing!!!]

Now when I pray it is less of a production than ever. Oftentimes it has no words, no pictures, nothing of “substance” that one could “hold” and say, AH!! This is Currie’s Prayer.

Much of my prayer is in my breath, in my thoughts, and in the space BEtween breaths and thoughts.

Out loud my prayers are one-word, oftentimes just a sound or a look upward. Sometimes they are wrapped in laughter or simply a smile. Those are sometimes my favourites, but then… with me and prayers, favourites don’t always dance well together. Let me just say those are often the ones I remember longest.

In the end, prayer is just my turning toward connection.

I love you, Currie

Friday, February 15, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 15 February 2013

There is an expression about minds BEing like parachutes BEcause they both work best when open…

I don’t disagree with that although I DO think there is another trait they can [and should, if I may BE so bold as to should here] share to work best and that is how they are packed and prepared.

I grew up in a strange World. In some ways it looked similar to the World others were growing up in, but in others it was markedly dissimilar.

So I learned to NOT look at and NOT say things about it. Essentially, I kept a part of my mind closed and threw away the key, if ever I had one.

Today I am someone I consider to BE quite openminded. Thoughty even, as in I think long and deep about both my own World and the one I live in though NOT so directly a part of.

I compare and contrast for good and NOT for better or worse, up or down.

What I’ve discovered is I sometimes have thoughts and BElieve them when I’ve never EVEN taken them out for a test drive.

I say this neither with pride nor shame. It is an it is what it is realisation.

Awareness is key here. I far prefer my mind BEing open.

I love you, Currie

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 14 February 2013

Something I have noticed is that we spend an inordinate amount of Time [and our lives] focused on Where We Are Going instead of Where We Are Now. It is a built-in, everybody’s playing so why NOT join them, and perfectly acceptable way to BE.

Yet it is simply silly.

Right Now is where Life is. Always. For each of us. This is our one chance and gift. Why are we so concerned with what isn’t even here yet?! [And by the way… we’ll never EVEN get to BE wherever it is we’re so focused on BEyond BEcause we’ll still BE focusing on BEyond that!!!]

Silly rabbit, Trix are for KIDS!!!

Sorry… that is pretty much one non sequitor after another. [although they are all accurate…]

Living Right Now is the Very Best Place. I know this from recent days when I have straddled my Past and some Imagined [fearfully] Future.

In the Past, where I finally admit to BEing utterly without magic wands or any powers whatsoever, I need look no further.

And that Future I am dreaming up?! Well, I could just as easily [probably even more easily, certainly it would BE more fun] imagine up a better one. Where it’s unexpectedly wondrous and hopeful.

I suppose I am preaching to the choir here… Oh well.

I love you, Currie

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 13 February 2013

I don’t know anyone who does NOT like music.

I know people who LOVE music, like air, and some who tolerate it, when they are of a mind to DO so, yet mostly I know people who are like me. We love all sorts of music [where “all sorts” casts a really wide net] and we tolerate some, simply BEcause it IS considered music. [though more like nails on a chalkboard to our sensitive psyches]

Music is so much a part of my Life that I really canNOT say it has ever NOT been central to it. Over the span of my Life my tastes have changed, along with me, yet once I have loved music it is extremely hard for me to NOT love it still.

However, the past several weeks I have been DOing something of an experiment with SILENCE. I have found myself hearing many things, as I DO Now, that I’ve never really heard.

The quiet of the ceiling fan, the trains [are there MORE of them Now or am I just HEARING them more?!] going by, birds, squirrels, both chattering, even the sound of the lizards… Who knew?!

Silence is its own sort of music. This is what I’m thinking.

And music does NOT have to BE playing in order to BE heard.

I love you, Currie

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 12 February 2013

Gratitude is the sort of thing that one practises whether or NOT things are as preferred. I suppose that sounds a little stuffy. “Teacher-ish” as I’ve been labelled all too frequently.

Sometimes the only place you can BE is Where You ARE. Even though and even WHEN that is a place of misunderstanding and confusion.

Encouragement is really wonderful AND sometimes really annoying, too. I say this NOT to BE discouraging, only to BE real. I know how frustrating it is to BE on the outside of someone else’s pain wishing to BE a comfort and knowing all you CAN BE is there.

I have been in places like this one many times. I have found my way through them. I am fairly certain that I will DO so again.

Yet to BE grateful to BE here Now is really a stretch. I can write the words and try to BE convincing…

I AM grateful for this practise BEcause without it I would feel far more separate and alone. It is a little like the solo piece of Outward Bound, except I am NOT in some wilds. I am right here at home.

I have tools and I am using them. I have habits and I am practising them. I have Hope and I am holding onto it.

I love you, Currie

Monday, February 11, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 11 February 2013

The concept of What Gift Shall I Bring? is really stretching me. The gift of kindness?! Of course I want to bring that, always, and yet lately I have come to see kindness as sometimes detrimental.

I have been noticing with certain people the kinder I am, the greater the distance grows BEtween us.

Perhaps I am NOT on point with this, NOT seeing it clearly, and I surely know I am too wrapped inside my own feelings to have the proper perspective.

And still, I canNOT help but see this in just this way.

On the other hand… it seems that the kinder I feel I am BEing treated, the less resistant I feel to BE kind toward EVERYone, and especially those who seem to move away from rather than toward me.

Yesterday I was treated to the hot fudge sundae with extra whipped cream, cherries, and nuts sort of kindness by a friend who carved out the time for me to just talk about and through somethings. While it is NOT my favourite thing to talk on the phone, my options are limited and WOW!!! what a difference that time, and my friend’s kindness to ME made. [and is making]

I don’t everything sewn-up and sorted-out. Yet I feel understood, heard, and encouraged.

And that’s amazing!!

I love you, Currie

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 10 February 2013

I am grateful for this simple daily practise and how it has both encouraged me AND shown me myself in NOT so flattering ways.

I am grateful that I love making mistakes and, sometimes, making discoveries right smack dab in the middle of them.

I am grateful for connection, which this part of my morning writing practise gives me. Unconventionally, perhaps, yet connection nonetheless.

I am grateful for BEing able to give myself a break from trying to BE or SEEM a way I am NOT feeling in that moment. For letting my weariness, my confusion, and my depleted inspiration trot itself out front and center.

I am grateful that I can think about things that many people wouldn’t consider part of polite conversation. And I can just think them without committing them to voice or paper, just in my own head and heart.

I am grateful that sometimes I realise that I am sad about something out of habit; that really and truly I don’t mind that something is like it is or is NOT how it is NOT.

I am grateful for having been turned down and turned back and turned round. Turn, Turn, Turn…

I am grateful for the days when my writing feels like threading a needle in the back of a bumpy wagon.

I love you, Currie

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 9 February 2013

Imagine you weren’t limited. By your human knowledge. Due to what you think and BElieve you are capable of imagining.

Just imagine that. For one tiny second…

Sometimes, this challenge utterly deLIGHTs me. It will have me bubbling over with excitement and BElieving in myself like that little engine that COULD.

Imagine what you would DO. What you COULD DO, if you had untold stores of IMAGINATION…

This is one of the games I play, one of the things I consider visualisation and, sometimes, even prayer to BE. I like the freedom it gives me. How it gets me to stop BEing so small and feeling puny and ineffective.

It is also an effective means of breaking through the backlog that is my thinkering. But… there is a catch. I have to Let Go of the safety, like a trapeze artist, and TRUST. [of course, I must practise this, too, so that I CAN DO IT when the time is upon me] That can BE the hardest part of all.

Letting Go, eh?! Odd, really. I’d have thought holding on took more gumption and courage. Following through and carrying on. Lasting. Making DO.

But, no. Imagination is much more about Letting Go of what I know [or think I know] and trusting what I canNOT “see” just “know.”

I love you, Currie

Friday, February 8, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 8 February 2013

It seems rocky this morning. Heavy, like a wet wool blanket. And yet it is nothing more than the way I am seeing. This has been my lesson this week. That it is all about HOW I see WHAT I’m seeing.

I have this “trick” I use when depression seems to BE looming and descending. I BEgin to list, mentally, all that is right, well, and good. I try to keep my focus on those bits all the while the OTHER bits are singing louder and louder. I think I learned this in choir.

I think that works better with singing, but it’s sufficient when things are NOT as I would prefer.

What seems so difficult Now is feeling I am TOO MUCH and have flooded the engines in certain parts of my Life. Certain relationships. I never mean to BE yet I often AM. Often have been.

I wonder, will I ever get this part working right?! And then remind myself that “ever” is BEyond my reach. I only need BE in this moment.

Reading a book, some people read the ending BEfore they start. I don’t, but sometimes I will go to the last 20 or so pages and see what I see. Peeking ahead.

This seems like what I am DOing Now. And as hopeless…

I love you, Currie

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 7 February 2013

Like getting enough sleep
And eating what’s good for me
I am generous with making mistakes
Oddly, this makes me grateful…

I’ve gone back to my “old way” this morning. First, I slept late [or mayBE just long] and so I came to writing feeling rushed and hurried when actually, I have nowhere I need to hurry to and nothing to get done…

I don’t feel I have the Time Now for digital fiddling and poeming inside my art. So I am “falling back on” the way I have done things for so long Now. And it’s got me feeling I’ve put my underwear on backwards!!

This heart is one of 10 heart paintings I’ve made recently. I had such fun making them and then choosing a little word-bit for each one. I wish I could send them out to you. [what I REALLY wish is that I could give them to you along with a hug]

I feel odd today. Off-balance. Unsure. Full of doubt.

I feel I am a round peg in a World of square holes. I can smoosh myself in and make DO, yet I feel certain that I must “fit” somewhere. Can I really have been made wrong?! The words, This Too Shall Pass, are flying through my brain yet I feel uncertain…

I love you, Currie 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 6 February 2013

I have learned so much from Gracie about friendship. About BEing a friend. And having one. I have learned how NOT to approach as much as how close to come to another. I have learned when it is time to Let Go. And how to NOT take that personally or so hard.

I am grateful for her willingness to teach me, to show me, often numerous times, what is unconditional and what is most definitely NOT.

Friendship is a thing I seem to live without almost better than I live with. That’s been a difficult realisation. I so want the ease and camaraderie I observe in others. For whatever reason though, it doesn’t seem to BE what was written into my part in this great play.

Over my Life I have had many wonderful friendships. I used to think that it was just how it is that friendships ultimately ended, ties were severed, and so I’ve learned to live with the empty spaces where my friends and our friendship used to BE.

I think I was too quick to assume that was true, but there you go. Life is Right Now and there is no DO-over. So BE it.

I think of my friends, often, like sifting through a box of treasures, and I miss them. Each one.

I love you, Currie

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 5 February 2013

It seems easy to give Encouragement to others. Some of them, NOT so much easy, still… mayBE preferable is the word I am looking for.

It is a gift, as in something that can BE given, but Encouragement isn’t the sort of gift you’ll find wrapped in shiny paper and big bows.

It is more likely a quiet thing. A look perhaps. A squeeze of the hand. MayBE two hands gently placed on the shoulders of the recipient. In Real Life or virtually.

I am encouraged by response. I have known this, but I haven’t wanted to say so. At least out loud Here!! I don’t want to sound needy or grasping. I don’t, if I am completely honest, want you to know this. Whatever would you think of me then?!

I had a meeting yesterday with my Ticket-to-Work job coach. I talked for nearly the whole hour. But I also listened to her when she gave me her gift of Encouragement. She said it only when she KNEW she had my full attention. She didn’t interrupt me, except once to clarify something I’d said too quickly.

Oh what a JOY to receive such Encouragement from one person’s listening and HEARING what I said. What I felt. What I BElieve about myself and my Life at this point.

I love you, Currie

Monday, February 4, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 4 February 2013

I am so blessed. I love my Life. I love that I can get up long BEfore the sun [and Little Miss Sunshine snoozing away on the chair-and-a-half BEhind me] to fiddle and write and write and fiddle…

Did I mention write?! How about fiddle?!

Ahhhhhhh… I am deLIGHTed by my Life.

And you know… that does NOT scare me one bit to say out loud. Even though I am clearly moving toward Change. [which, of course, we ALL are, every second, yet here I refer to a very specific Change I am seeing through the mists of Right Now]

It dawned on me this morning that February’s prompts are alphabetical and each word or phrase responds to What Shall I Bring?! I knew this already, yet for some reason it just tickles me to see how funny I can BE.

DO YOU ever wake up and want to get up but oh my it is just too early?! I did this morning, which was funny BEcause Saturday night I stayed up until 11!!! And slept through until 7 yesterday morning. I really love my wee hours pre-dawn.

Who’d’ve imagined, eh?! I have never liked alarms or snooze buttons, both too jarring, but I am like a kid on Christmas Morning Who. Just. Can’t. wait. One. More. Second.

I love you, Currie

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 3 February 2013

Life is sweetened by Curiosity. With Curiosity a boring and monotonous day BEcomes a playground of possibilities.

When I am with someone I love and my ears and eyes are all on that one, magic can happen. Real, honest-to-goodness magic. Abracadabra Alakazzam!!!

There is something so extraordinary in BEing seen and heard and listened to with deep Curiosity. A feeling of Anything Is Possible that lifts me far BEyond the sky I can see Here and Now.

As my Life has unfolded these last several years, I have spent a good deal of time squashing my Curiosity and making it stay in a box on a shelf. I have given in to expectations and lost out by trying to fit in and simply quit BEing curious at all about what I might want or need or really, I mean REALLY love DOing or BEing.

NOT Now. Now I am curious without measure. Now I am daring myself to spread my wings and encouraging even my most reticent Self to Leap and speak up, speak out, and most of all… speak for herself.

And you know… it’s rather an amazing thing to BE discovering POSSIBILITY that is NOT BEyond my reach or grasp. To BE standing in my own two feet looking out over the plains with sparkling Curiosity.

I love you, Currie

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 2 February 2013

How great a gift it is to BE Present. For oneself. For another. Or perhaps to the whole of Life and its curiosities, flow, and yes, even its ebb…

Whenever I “look down at the pedals” and realise I’m REALLY & TRULY riding the “bicycle” that is My Life, I am so easily undone by the sheer majesty of such capability.

Long, oh so very long was I seduced into BElieving I had no choices, my options were past their use by date, and Life was something I must endure without complaint. Silly nonsense I considered inviolate.

No more. Now I am aware and awake and actively Present in my every moment. I no longer look to how to “pass” or “fill” or even “waste” my Time. I cherish it and utilise it with great love and respect.

Recently and for some time I have been Letting Go of more of what keeps me tethered and stuck, spinning my wheels and going nowhere I want to go. I have unplugged and Let Go and released. I have deactivated, unsubscribed, and deleted stuff I was saving for no other reason than I couldn’t imagine “wasting” it; surely I’d get round to using it sometime?!

BEing Present enough to myself to see the circular reasoning as nonsense. Such a gift…

I love you, Currie

Friday, February 1, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 1 February 2013

Something about February… I canNOT explain what I love so much about this month. I suppose there are stranger things to ponder…

Last month my prompts were all 3-words and I enJOYed them. I seem to DO best with a “container” in the mornings. I never think too much about what to write. I just respond.

February’s prompts are one word in response to What Gift Shall I Bring?! And today’s gift is Acceptance.

I like Acceptance and I am immensely grateful for its many ways of BEing [and DOing its thing] in my Life. Acceptance has give me ways to make room for Life without apologising for taking up air in the room. It has given me the considerable strength to include facts about my Life, myself, and those people, places, and things in my World.

That is no small feat. I know. I used to NOT have Acceptance. And instead a well-worn path where I stomped and paced and fiddled and fussed to somehow CHANGE THE PAST. I used to think that Acceptance was weak. Looking the other way. Painting sunshine on piles of poop.

I was wrong about that, but that didn’t stop me BEing convinced BEyond a shadow of doubt.

Now I love my capacity to accept and to simply Let Life BE Life…

I love you, Currie