Friday, February 8, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 8 February 2013

It seems rocky this morning. Heavy, like a wet wool blanket. And yet it is nothing more than the way I am seeing. This has been my lesson this week. That it is all about HOW I see WHAT I’m seeing.

I have this “trick” I use when depression seems to BE looming and descending. I BEgin to list, mentally, all that is right, well, and good. I try to keep my focus on those bits all the while the OTHER bits are singing louder and louder. I think I learned this in choir.

I think that works better with singing, but it’s sufficient when things are NOT as I would prefer.

What seems so difficult Now is feeling I am TOO MUCH and have flooded the engines in certain parts of my Life. Certain relationships. I never mean to BE yet I often AM. Often have been.

I wonder, will I ever get this part working right?! And then remind myself that “ever” is BEyond my reach. I only need BE in this moment.

Reading a book, some people read the ending BEfore they start. I don’t, but sometimes I will go to the last 20 or so pages and see what I see. Peeking ahead.

This seems like what I am DOing Now. And as hopeless…

I love you, Currie

1 comment:

smiles, Sharon said...

I wanted to see your writings having just written to you. Your daily gratitudes are so touching, honest and private that I feel like an intruder. I admire your open honesty, ability to stay with something and to take the time to "illustrate" each daily offering. Your first offerings gave me the impression of having to deal with the darker sides of life. I will say simply: I can understand. My husband has suffered and continues to, from many psychosis, deep rooted depression and mental and health issues. He stopped working way before he should. I am his care taker. I do understand how impossible it can be when days become doubtful and bleak. I wish my husband would write, I do believe that writing can be part of one's sanity. Bless you as you open your heart. Sharon