Saturday, December 1, 2012

Currie's Gratitude 1 December 2012

Isn’t it better to BE Here
Rather than to stare too long
In the rearview mirror?!
Why look back?!
BEcause back there is
and Hope
To BE found.

As this month BEgins, I BEgin my annual month-plus-long period of reflection. And planning [or dreaming out loud] for the year ahead. How and Why I “look back” is BEcause in What Has Been there is such rich Wonder to BE discovered. Oftentimes in the places where I just squeaked by.

I realise it might BE indulgent to take an entire month+ to DO this. So BE it. I can indulge and NOT need anyone to agree or even understand the point of it.

THAT… Now, THAT is why I look back. BEcause when I see that timid uncertain ME who wants permission, agreement, encouragement, and support to DO what feels right for me for Now, I also see that I have moved away from that position.

I spent a huge chunk of this year wanting and hoping, BElieving I needed approval, a sort of nebulous good housekeeping seal of A-okayness. Understanding, too. Oh how I craved that. And oh, how it did NOT come…

I have grown so much BEcause of that lack. That unfulfilled seeming necessity. And I have learned to give it to myself…

I love you, Currie

1 comment:

Ginger Davis Allman (The Blue Bottle Tree) said...

One of the lessons I learned as a young woman was that we're alone our whole lives and if we're really lucky we'll meet cool people along the way. But the default...the base state...the place we return to over and over is ourselves. But even knowing that, I still sought approval. I'm only just now getting to the place where I don't seem to need it.

I envy your ability to focus on yourself. I feel that I can't because I'm being smothered by the ones who love/need me. I need to create my selfish zone. I am craving the self reflection you're doing with this gratitude project. Interesting thought processes your gratitudes bring me. Again...thank you for them.