Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Currie's Gratitude 28 November 2012

What I really want
It is so simple
[and I fear too simple]
I am afraid to ask for it

This is what goes on BEtween my ears somedays. Realisations. Seeing What Is for what it is. Looking it straight in the eyes. Fearlessly. [or at least intending to BE]

One of the things about me that feels like we just met is really something I’ve known for decades. It is my habit of upping the ante, always raising the bar, and making sure I never quite measure up.

When will I stop?! When will I say WHEN?!

Here is an example: I was writing last week about the work I want to DO with Ticket-To-Work. I wrote that I would love to rock babies. I would love that. Something so simple. So enJOYable. For me. For the babies, too…

Instead, what I DO is create a busy and dizzying description of working in a school as a resource sort of person.

Why is it I canNOT allow myself to say “THIS IS WHAT I WANT. WHAT I REALLY WANT is to rock babies.”

For whatever reason or conglomeration of justifications, excuses, and long-winded explanations, I think I need to DO more than what I really want. This is mind-boggling and makes me want to shake myself sometimes…

I love you, Currie

1 comment:

Molly said...

what a great realization. i know that i am often guilty of not even taking the time to think about what i REALLY want... i just jump right to what i think would be feasible. thought provoking, as always. i hope you get to rock those babies! :-)