Monday, September 17, 2012

Currie's Gratitude 17 September 2012

  Ó 2012 Currie Silver

It makes me hesitate
Stepping up
Taking the first step toward another
Away from stuck
It is risky
Hard, but…

I canNOT tell you how many arguments/misunderstandings I’ve had over my Life where I was keeping score and simply refusing to BE the one to take the first step, to BEgin the process of healing.

I don’t know precisely when I first recognised this, especially as something I did NOT want and in fact WOULD NOT choose again!!!

Pretty pathetic, I think Now… And if I am honest I have to say I still have that scorecard tucked in my pocket. Still use it. Refer to it. Still take action or don’t take action based on what I see there.

The sad part of this [like it isn’t ALL horribly dismal] is that I have “scored” myself right on out of some precious friendships. I have waited so long for the other to take that next step, to respond kindly, to move toward healing whatever it is that is “broken” BEtween us that I have Let Go of the WHOLE of the relationship… or discovered myself holding onto a string that someone else Let Go of long ago…

I am learning, too slowly and late perhaps, that I’d rather BE first than lost.

I love you, Currie

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