Currie's Gratitude 30 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

Strange how this works

Rather than seeking love

Outside

With another person

Discover it deep inside

YOU

Fall into that deep place

With who you are

Now

Much of my grown-up Life, I’ve been “out of love” and enduring it. NOT gracefully, either. This is NOT something that fills me with pride, nor is it something I really like to admit “out loud” and in public. But there you go. Truth spoken, written, published, and sent out there…

Recently, I have been blessed to have both a front-row seat AND a backstage pass to the growing “in-love-ness” of several people I cherish. It’s NOT in person, but it’s almost deeper than that. Perhaps only BEcause I see it thus, but therein lies its magic.

Watching, reading, listening, and most of all interpreting this experience is like looking in the most magical of looking-glasses. In that reflection I have seen myself, “in love” and “falling” there… numerous times.

For my part, I’ve never “stuck” where I’ve fallen. Or mayBE it’s truer to say that those I fell in love with didn’t stick. Which or whatever, I Now live without that fallen-in-love thing going on. Happily. Peacefully. And gently.

I am grateful for this simply BEcause it lets me fall in love with ME. Every day…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 29 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

Even the very best relationships

The ones I’ve held closest to my heart

Require me to Let Go

The baby, then child who BEcame the man

The grandmother whose light shone on me

The dog who accompanied me through so much of Life

And so many others

And more to come.

Part of Plan BE is that it can serve as an index, or a table of contents. Life has lots of similar times, things that might go unnoticed except for how they stir me and leave me spun [or still spinning].

One of my much over-demanded skills, Letting Go of people and relationships I deeply cherish[ed], is the skill I am referring to here.

Impossible to comprehend combined with a stubborn refusal has mostly been my go-to M.O. And each time this has BEcome MORE uncomfortable, MORE pain-FULL, and sadder.

In my Plan BE I am a person whose heart is open, who is able to let new people and experiences and even times IN… As. Well. As. Out.

Who can BE exceedingly grateful for the gift of SOME TIME with SOMEONE or SOMETHING. Who holds what I cherish in my heart. Who releases her grip and no longer clings. Who understands that Life, all of it, Comes To Pass. Who Lets Go.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 28 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

Open does NOT mean agreement

Nor does it require BEing convinced

Of another’s perspective or

Point of view.

Open means allowing for

Difference

Without disagreement

Or argument

Round election time, BEing 99% unplugged by choice, I sense the edginess in the air. People feel they must BE right and others wrong. They work tirelessly to convince and prove the other’s and others’ point[s] of view full of holes and contradictions.

I don’t know why this is. I only know that it is. And this, in a most overwhelming fashion, makes me unBElievably sad.

That 1% I am aware of is what I choose to listen to and read. What I can sense when I see the stuff that finds its way into my mailbox. What catches me whilst out walking with Gracie, on all the signs that line the highway and those on people’s lawns.

Recently something came into my emailbox.  Causing me to pause. To read it. To click some links and read, listen, and try to understand. It was something I feel strongly about, as it actually pertains to ME.

I wanted it to BE “wrong” even though it wasn’t said by someone I would vote for. But it wasn’t a misquote.

Sometimes an open mind hurts. Still, I’m grateful for mine.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 27 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

So tempting

So often

To stand invisibly

BEhind the rest

NEVER having to go first

To BE wrong

To make a BIG hairy mistake.

Plan BE is all about making myself, ME, my Life into something real that breathes in-and-out, thinks and reflects, and is willing to BE [look, read, and sound] wrong.

Plan BE is “the manual” I wish I’d had 6 years ago, when I needed it, when the bottom fell out of my Life, and when I kept hanging on, BEcause as much as that Life was NOT GOOD for me, the possibility of vast nothingness was simply too much. For me.

Sometimes Life insists I NOT avoid, deny, or simply ignore something. That is exactly what it insisted then, but I was slow to understand, slower to change…

While it would have been nice if all that had “cleared-up” [but NOT OUT] making my need for a Plan “B” unnecessary, I BElieve I’d rather have been compelled to create this Plan BE, which is still revealing itself, still trying to keep me focused and in the game…

Plan BE is how I have learned Life, how Life has taught me to BE, proceed, and focus. It’s NOT simple or especially easy. It’s just what I have learned and am LEARNING.

I love you, Currie 

Currie's Gratitude 26 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

Even if I imagine it easy to DO

Stepping up or stepping forward

When necessary

Still makes me doubt myself

Wonder if I have what it takes

Want to shrink back

Play small…

There have been times in my Life when others viewed me as courageous and some of them even said so. Multiple times. So I couldn’t just pass it off as fluff.

The thing is, when those times were happening, unfolding, BEing what I was DOing, I was filled and overflowing with self-doubt. I was terrified. I was hanging on by the merest thread. Seconds from falling flat on my face.

And then, when I look back from a decent distance, when the Whole Experience is BEhind me, I see myself and it is clear that what I did surely could have been considered courageous.

BUT…

I think it’s far more fulfilling, as a person stumbling about in this World, to decide ahead of time to BE braver than I think is brave enough. To embrace the terror of whatever I’m going to DO, and Just DO It as it unfolds.

It’s very tempting to think, “I coulda, woulda, shoulda…” To play small and keep my light low. To NOT BE a bother. To hold back. To let things BE… without Me.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 25 September 2012

    Ó 2012 Currie Silver

There is a story I remember

About a little boy

[I think]

Who when faced with a

Big stinking pile of…

Just knew there had to BE

A pony in there,

Somewhere.

I don’t know when or where I first heard that story. I don’t EVEN know that I am telling it correctly. What I DO know is that I have really worked on myself to BE like that little boy. To see BEyond and BEneath the “stuff” Life often uses to disguise the ponies.

I’m far from pulling it off, however. So far sometimes that I don’t know if I am even in the same time zone. It’s disconcerting. Yet I press on. I look up. I BElieve. I trust the process.

BEing someone who sees glasses half-full and the upside of chaos, even catastrophe, is NOT what I grew up envisioning. I saw lots of black-and-white right-or-wrong. I learned that telling the truth was more likely to stir up trouble than quell it.

If there was already someone giving somebody what I wanted, that proved that A. there wasn’t enough for me to get some, too, and that B. the someone surely had nothing left to give me.

It’s tricky to shift these deeply-rooted BEliefs around. To find a foothold that holds.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 24 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

Slide through easily

Keep your heart

[and your mind]

Open

Eager

Willing

I know I am NOT the only person who has ever noticed the frequency, constancy even, of CHANGE. Even though I have treated others in my Life with jaw-dropping snarkishness, due to my tending to BE High Maintenance, I have recently embraced an attitude that hasn’t even got the least bit to DO with snarky. One that needs no careful tending or in-your-face Behaviour to contend with.

Finally…

And this is good, BEcause I’m NOW the one who is on the receiving end of All That.

Funny how that worked out. Turns out I am NOT pre-destined to High Maintenance. That I can live with or without a whole bunch of things I never dared to try living with/without BEfore.

I am grateful for this NEW-to-Me way of BEing. Especially I am grateful for how much more of my Life I Now enJOY unfiltered, SOOC as the photographers say. [straight out of camera]

BEing this way has taken me an extremely LONG time to even BE willing to consider. And I have to admit, as I look back at the roads I’ve travelled in the last 6 years, I really made things a lot harder than they needed to BE.

MUCH. HARDER.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 23 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

What is in the Past

Is NOT what is

Going to BE

In the Future

And anyway,

It IS Right Now

NOT Then.

So much of Life rests on statistics, literally. It “rests” as in sleeps, sits, and completely vegges-out there. What we have done, how something did go, what the record of wins and losses has been over time… these are nothing more than stories of the Past.

And hard as it is to wrap our minds round, WE LIVE RIGHT NOW…

Imagine if we really COULD make the Past equal the Future. Go ahead. Let your mind marinate in that, marinate deeply. What does that MEAN to you?!

If I am honest I have to say I often wish that my Past could BE my Now. In essence I am willing and perfectly happy to settle for having what I did have.

However, living that way is about as exciting as staring out a dirty window on a train in a tunnel.

Practising Gratitude is like a dimmer switch. I can shine light brightly or NOT so on what has been, on what I learned, or on how my experience made me grow, change, or learn.

I can also turn it all the way dark. BEcause, that’s really where the Past lives.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 22 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

It is hard to see myself

Sometimes

When I know how small

And inconsiderate I can BE

Sometimes…

As difficult as it is BEcause of all the weight I have given The Past, and in particular My Past, to face myself in the mirror, I have lately done this very thing, deliberately. With intention. And I have to say I like who I see in there. I like her AND what’s more… I respect her.

And yet I still, at times, reflexively look away. Find other things to DO, during my daily 2-minute mirror opportunities, when brushing my teeth.

Recently I was challenged, encouraged, or mayBE just prompted to DO this DELIBERATELY. On two separate occasions. What I learned is the sort of stuff I’d have NEVER known by BEing an avoider. Very. Cool. Beans.

I am grateful for discovering a much more Real ME than that one I dodged and avoided. For the courage to see the many tender bits of me. The tiny green shoots peeking up out of the dirt. The glimmers of hope that seem to actually shine off of my eyes.

Though I could see the wrinkles and that little 11 BEtween my eyebrows, I mostly saw peace and someone at ease with who she is. And is NOT.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 21 September 2012

                                                                                                        Ó 2012 Currie Silver

Dreams are live things

They need love

BElief

And they want to BE held

Gently

With great strength.

I’ve often been called a dreamer. In many ways that is true. I dream much MUCH more than I DO. I have a vivid and incredibly active dream Life. Sometimes I have so many dreams happening in me that I stall like a flooded car engine.

There has been a HUGE shift in me in this matter of dreams, dreamers, and dreaming in general.

I am NOT the only one “responsible” for my dreams. I must share them, at least some of them, with others. I must also take action BEyond dreaming them. This is often confounding. After all, should I BE pushing and trying to make these dreams happen?! Or should I just have a lighter touch?!

As confusing as my own dreams are, others’ dreams are far less so. The greatest thing about others’ dreams is that with MY seeing them they will thrive. Others’ dreams often seem different that way. I don’t see the obvious [or subtle] roadblocks. I only see the dream dreaming. And from where I am, that looks wide open and possible.

Always.

This is why I find embracing the dreams of others essential to dreaming: I offer no resistance…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 20 September 2012

 Ó 2012 Currie Silver

                                                                        

No one needs permission

Agreement

Or company

To have a good laugh

An out loud

Hold onto your sides

MayBE even wet your pants

Laugh..

I often wish I’d been a bit looser, a bit less tied-up in the Land of Should & Should NOT. I thought it strange to DO anything all alone by myself. I even imagined I made other people uncomfortable when I did things solo. Like eating alone in a restaurant. Or sitting, alone, in a movie theatre. Or taking a drive, just me all by myself to look at the Christmas lights.

Eventually I loosened up a bit more. And then some.

But the thoughts and concerns still popped up. And I learned [okay OKAY!! I am learning!!!] to care less about other people and what they thought about ME. Truth is, I think I finally saw how silly it all is, this over-focusing on others and forgetting that I am NOT the centre in anyone else’s World…

It is essential for me, Now, to DO what I need to DO, to go where I WANT TO GO, and to laugh and cry and even sometimes throw a wee-itty-bit of a fuss when something agitates the water…

Ultimately it all comes to this. BEing comfortable is nice, NOT essential…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 19 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver                                                       

What I have is Enough

What I need will BE supplied

And what has been

Has been meant to BE

MayBE the thing about Plan B is that for so very long I BElieved it was the fallback, the certainty of having something in place to catch me were I to fall. Now?! I suppose this is why instead of fretting myself over a Plan B, I have been creating Plan BE.

[if you are lost, no worries… just hang on and enJOY the ride]

Plan BE is the HOW TO of living a Life that sustains me through each and every tide change. It is “the manual” that I’ve wished I’d come with. It is also those elusive guidelines that can make navigating Life in this World a whole lot more enJOYable.

As far as BEing enamored of MORE, this is something I’m still in the process of releasing. It is less a thing I am able to define, point to, and thereby BE ABLE to change. Mostly it is an unconscious reflex. It’s the “American Dream” sort of thing that I think I’ve adopted without first considering it fully.

I am grateful these are the sorts of things that occupy my thinking. They are far better than what used to “consume” me.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 18 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

BEing someone who CAN…

Isn’t the same as

TAKING a risk EVERY day

Although it might BE,

It’s more the spirit of the thing

I am talking about.

Plan BE is stretching me lately. I’m NOT sure that writing about it this way is really the best way to practise Gratitude, but IIWII ;~D so I am learning!

I think the idea of taking a risk or risk-taking is often so much larger and unlike what I’ve thought it was all my Life. A risk can simply make me hesitant. Unsure. A little breathless and floaty. After all, I DO know that I am sometimes too concerned with safety and certainty.

Recently I have been learning to take the risk of saying something, OUT LOUD, which for me generally means writing it where anyone could see it. I always want to get it out of my head, yet once it’s on the screen, like this, I admit to there BEing a little thrill at pushing Send, Publish, or whatever the process is for letting it loose.

I have done this same thing with actual posted mail. It’s always a mix of thrilling and terrifying. It’s inspiring, too.

BEing someone who CAN take a risk every day is where I’m pointing myself. That’s all. Really…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 17 September 2012

  Ó 2012 Currie Silver

                                                                                              

It makes me hesitate

Stepping up

Taking the first step toward another

Away from stuck

It is risky

Uncertain

Hard, but…

I canNOT tell you how many arguments/misunderstandings I’ve had over my Life where I was keeping score and simply refusing to BE the one to take the first step, to BEgin the process of healing.

I don’t know precisely when I first recognised this, especially as something I did NOT want and in fact WOULD NOT choose again!!!

Pretty pathetic, I think Now… And if I am honest I have to say I still have that scorecard tucked in my pocket. Still use it. Refer to it. Still take action or don’t take action based on what I see there.

The sad part of this [like it isn’t ALL horribly dismal] is that I have “scored” myself right on out of some precious friendships. I have waited so long for the other to take that next step, to respond kindly, to move toward healing whatever it is that is “broken” BEtween us that I have Let Go of the WHOLE of the relationship… or discovered myself holding onto a string that someone else Let Go of long ago…

I am learning, too slowly and late perhaps, that I’d rather BE first than lost.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 16 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

It’s so natural

Automatic

To want the okay

Applause

Of an other

Someone’s

Or many of them

Approval

I noticed something as I was writing this morning. About how I put EVERYTHING through a procedure that is completely out of commission. I wait for this one or that to SEE me, to HEAR me, to AGREE WITH me.

And yet…

That “one” or “many” aren’t even tuned-in to my station. I am like a radio playing to the Great BEyond. I’m laughing a little. I remember in college going into the room where the college radio station was broadcasting. And I remember, suddenly, many scenes in radio stations I’ve seen in movies, on television… and all the while I have had this “imaginary radio station” surrounding my dreams and ideas. I NEVER see ME as the disc jockey. There must BE someone else DOing that.

WOW!!!

When did this happen?! How is it that it feels “normal” and ordinary?!

Sometimes Life will just kick you in the gut and leave you wondering how you got into the middle of that ruckus. This is the sort of place where I am Now. I’m waiting on approval and agreement and encouragement that aren’t coming and that, really, I don’t EVEN need.

UnBElievably grateful. That I BE…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 15 September

Ó 2012 Currie Silver  

Where I mostly always

[NOT just sometimes]

Shutdown

Close off

And STOP listening

Is when it cuts too close

To my own experience

I spent a LOT of time yesterday walking. Getting things done and taken care of when you are working with bus schedules that don’t always match reality will make that the case.

So BE it. I’m only saying and I am NOT complaining. Honestly, I feel strong and capable and even a little proud of myself, the lengths to which I will go to take care of myself, of Gracie, of the things that matter…

The only “problem” I had with all that walking was drivers. Drivers who felt compelled to lean on their horns when the car in front of them was only looking for an address, or mayBE a sign to indicate WHERE they were. How hard is it, really, to BE patient with someone DOing something we ALL have to DO?!

Apparently too hard…

Letting this in, listening to it inside of ME, I was instantly humbled by my own tendency to get agitated, BE in a hurry, or think the World, even Life Itself revolves solely around ME.

It is very hard to break that spell, yet it is only the thing we ever MUST DO.

Listen…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 14 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

                                                                                                

When I DO ask for help

It is only AFTER I have

Exhausted myself

Nattering about how I

SHOULDN’T

Need help in the first place.

I think when I wrote this part of Plan BE I was overlooking something. I think that BEfore I can BE someone who isn’t afraid to ASK for help, I need to make friends with the fact that I am someone who NEEDS help. NOT just with the obvious things, like the two broken A/Cs in the bedroom that clearly needed to BE replaced… with the little and seemingly insignificant ones like getting my cart on and off the bus. With a ride to the library instead of sucking it up and spending 2 hours out and back, plus walking in to get the bus.

It is NOT that I can’t get the cart on and off, and it’s certainly NOT that I mind the exercise and the lessons that I always get on that bus trip, it’s just that sometimes I’d like a friend, some company, and mayBE to spend a little time IN the library, NOT just the 7-10 minutes BEfore the bus heads back.

BEing in NEED of anyone is a real sticking point for me. SEEING it and SAYING it, Out Loud, that’s a start…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 13 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

BEcause, even if you are convinced

Certain

[as I often am… I’m just sayin…]

That it is absolutely NOT

The truth is that it ALWAYS is

Yes. ALWAYS ALWAYS.

I had a little “slip-and-fall” in my own “produce-aisle” last weekend. It was devastating. [of course no one else could “see” this, so my devastation was all inside my very own mind] It was overwhelming. [of course there was nothing like “whelm” to go over, it was just how “it made me feel” when…]

And Now, it’s BEhind me. Over. Done. Finished. Like so many of the moments in Life, perhaps every one?!

Knowing that Life is on my side is something I know like I know that Earth is round, the moon is full, sometimes, NOT every night, and Gracie loves me.

Knowing that Life is on my side means that I can stop feeling “hard done by” this person, that group, or that Time of my Life.

It means I can roll, stumble, even fall on my face, out loud, in front of others, and still carry on, get myself back upright, foolish, embarrassed even, and keep living.

When I forget, or more, when I choose NOT to BElieve this truth about Life that is as true as Gracie’s love for me…

UGH!!!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 12 September 2012

        

    Ó 2012 Currie Silver

Really.

Go ahead.

Let it spill over you.

Like honey in the sun

Or a soft place to land…

I am used to people telling me how BEautiful Gracie is. I don’t say this flippantly, really. I say it BEcause this constant of the last 7 years has been the ONLY praise I’ve even got close to accepting without A. telling myself that whoever is handing out the “praise” is “just BEing nice” and/or B. making damn sure I don’t let their words go to my head.

Why is this?! Why must I always qualify, deflect, or flat-out reject praise? Why is likely NOT the question that will get me to a satisfactory answer.

Instead, what is different about the Gracie-praising words that I find easier to accept?!

1.     She is NOT Me

2.     She really is extraordinary [less so in her looks, to me, but I won’t argue        that she is stunning]

3.     She has no NEED for the praise…

That #3 is key. She doesn’t think anyone is just BEing nice. SHE thinks EVERYone should stop whatever they are DOing to give her a belly run and let her lean in and love them.

I often wonder if it’s truly her “looks” that garner her this daily outpouring or her sweet heart?!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 11 September 2012

  Ó 2012 Currie Silver

                                                                                              

It’s always a reflex

So it seems

To explain myself

To justify and defend

WHY…

HOW…

WHAT…

Only way through it is simply to

STOP

Wouldn’t that BE a refreshing change?! If we all stopped trying to apologise and explain and justify and MAKE EXCUSES for ourselves, our actions, our “others” who we feel deserve our unquestioned protection… Oh I CAN only imagine I suppose.

Another confession: when I don’t write until later in the morning, BEcause I’ve slept later, I feel I have let you down.

Seriously.

Okay, I am sorry if you just laughed so hard that coffee or tea or whatever came shooting out of your nose. I am just very well trained to make up a story that will clear up any thoughts YOU might have about me BEing a “slacker” or whatever.

[like anyone is really paying attention…]

When I come here to write, I love it. That’s it. Simple. Nothing fancy. I don’t DO this BEcause anyone else reads it. I DO this BEcause I love DOing it and I love how it holds my Life closer to me.

I wonder, is it worth the bother if only one or two people are even reading it?!

No more excuses!! I write for myself and I take no prisoners!!!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 10 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

It is possible

Even when I am convinced it’s NOT

The key is making the choice.

Somedays Gratitude Practise seems like putting on a Halloween costume and convincing even myself that I am NOT ME, I am what/whoever I am masquerading.

The past couple of days knocked the wind out of me. I don’t know how it happened, but I DO know when. Still, there is no point in laying blame, shame, or guilt ANYWHERE. Just keep on, Currie, just keep on…

Moods are as real as weather, as intrusive, as encompassing, and as destructive, sometimes. The only difference, there is no weatherunderground to check, to track the storm, to help me see what I need to batten-down or turn off.

So I did some battening-down and turning-off of my own. It’s still a little too early to know if this is enough, but I suspect there aren’t a lot of certainties in moods OR in weather, really.

Gratitude, I am discovering, is completely independent. It’s a wild and saucy rogue, unlimited by foul weather or straight-up assault. Gratitude doesn’t depend on ME, it just flies no matter the velocity of the winds.

But…

I depend on Gratitude. I depend on it to BE deeply-rooted. I depend on its consistency. I guess I’m Gratitude-dependent…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 9 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver  

It isn’t hard but it does take courage

To BE someone who remembers

Who takes the time

Makes the effort

And who seems often to remember

Silently, never intending to acknowledge it.

I have been someone who remembers things you’d think, really, WHY ON EARTH DO I bother?! But it’s NOT really a choice. It’s also been tested quite a lot in the past decade or so. I’m sure that anesthesia has played a part in that. There are Now many little pockets in my memory that seem to have grown holes in them. I’ve actually forgotten whole chunks of Life and some of the people, times, and places my path has crossed…

And there is also the useless, even counter-productive remembering. Like replaying a movie of a time in my Life and having things turn out an entirely different way. BUT… I am NOT talking about that, even though sometimes that happens in the sort of remembering I AM talking about. Just a hazard to work round…

BEing someone who remembers is bold, dangerous, and terrifically tender. It gives a million and one opportunities to send love and good wishes out into the World. It is one of the most generous ways I know of loving people, of loving LIFE, of loving myself…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 8 September 2012

 Ó 2012 Currie Silver  

BE that person

The one who stays

Who is simply Present

For however long it takes

And then some…

I didn’t really consider how this Plan BE thing would grow. I thought it enough to have it BE “out there” and “on my list” of things I hope to accomplish. It seems that having that list of things I want to DO has lost its appeal. Like goals. Like Big Picture Dreams.

Instead of fitting into some neat and tidy box, Plan BE is BEcoming the background, the painting or backdrop for Life. My Life.

It is the wall I push off of as I swim my daily laps. It is the water that fills the glass, the water I drink, and the water that refills the glass.

So, with that in mind, BEing Someone Who Stays means I don’t just pop out for a bit and come back later, whenever. It means I stay and I don’t look at the time, don’t heave big sighs, don’t BElitte or think snarky little thoughts, [BEcause, really, all of those thoughts ARE snarky] and I don’t have any expectations of reciprocity. Even from myself.

BEing Someone Who Stays is integral to BEing Here, where I AM Now, in my own little Life and World.

Really.

REALLY!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 7 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

It can BE lonely sometimes

Watching others in the spotlight

Seeing how they shine [or don’t]

How things they DO or SAY are

Well, just amazing

Original…

When I feel worthy but invisible.

This poeming is just a statement, NOT anything melancholy, and CERTAINLY NOT a whine. I suppose it comes of the steady stream of hearing the non-stop jabber of sportscasters at the US Open. Or the players when they are interviewed.

How some people feel they CAN say whatever they think [or don’t think, they just blurt] is BEyond me. I know I have often been in that same position, though NOT so publicly, and let things rip. Perhaps I have even done it here…

BEing someone you can admire is a fairly new idea for me. Frankly, I have always felt admiration was solely about other people. Yet these past few years I have noted with both alarm and a sweet sort of goodness that I am often someone I admire.

NOT for any BIG DEAL or newsworthy things. Instead for quieter things, the love in me for people who don’t care, notice, or mayBE want it. From me…

I admire people who have achieved and accomplished great things; I really admire those whose difference is made in the little bits.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 6 September 2012

 Ó 2012 Currie Silver

  

ACCENTUATE your mistakes

SHINE the spotlight on wherever you go wrong

BE unafraid to speak up and say something foolish

This is Life

You’re here to LEARN

BE Uncertain & BEwildered

Say YES to I don’t know!!!

Okay, it’s just you and me and these two computer screens…

Ever made a mistake? Given the wrong answer? Had one of your wild-ass totally missed the point responses make a teacher’s top 10 screw-ups?!

What if that were the point?

What if we celebrated our mistakes rather than hiding them inside mountains of shame?!

I knew a woman once who said something I will always remember when I am learning, especially in that “trying to learn” phase…

NONE OF US WAS BORN WALKING!!!

Really. That’s true. And yet we act as if we must constantly hide or apologise for the times we trip over our tongues, have a sudden onset of brain cramping, or give the right answer to the wrong question. Or is it wrong answer to the right question?!

I think if we encouraged ourselves more every day to BE Uncertain & BEwildered, we might find Life a lot more fun. And if some of us could overlook “mispelllimgs” and “gramharical” errors we’d get closer to what we’re reading or who we’re listening to…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 5 September 2012

Ó 2012 Currie Silver

When there is nothing I know

For sure

Nothing I can BE certain of

And no clues are forthcoming

I choose faith in something

BEyond knowing

BEyond certainty

BEyond ME.

I don’t know that the dark itself has ever been what most terrified me. However, some of my most terrifying times were in the dark. The “dark” here meaning where light was absent and clarity was impossible. Where I felt strange and unsure and alone.

I am grateful for knowing, for my certainty that I was NOT alone, and that I am never alone.

I am grateful for choosing my faith over my fear, when I can manage that, and for leaning into that faith when there was nothing steady or firm I could hold onto.

Faith isn’t about words or doctrine or any set of BEliefs and understandings. And yet certain words and a wide variety of practises have been the tools that have carried me through “the dark” time and time again.

Rather than calling out with the hope of BEing rescued from the dark hallways Life, I pray and ask for the courage to BElieve all is as it’s meant to BE Right Now. Such times, however dark and terrible, are those upon which my faith has grown a firm foundation.

I love you, Currie