Saturday, June 29, 2013

Currie's Gratitude 29 June 2013


This is sometimes the easiest AND the hardest thing to remember OR to DO. Anger is such an explosive force that all sense and sensibility leave. Vanish. In fact, I might imagine they don’t EVEN show up.

A thing about anger and me is that for the longest time I did NOT realise that the deep hurting I felt so often was anger. I thought anger looked more in command of things. I suppose I did NOT think I WAS angry.

I equated anger with someone BEing in [or having] control. Anger equals Power. People could BE and often WERE angry with me, but I hadn’t the wherewithal to return anger, I could only BE hurt.

This, of course, had me always at a disadvantage. Feeling like the victim. And it surely kept me from learning to WAIT when anger was at the helm. Yet slowly, and perhaps only through long stretches of Solitude and Reflection, did I BEcome acquainted with my own anger. It surely had eluded me…

The waiting part had always seemed like a commonplace rule. Don’t react. Don’t engage. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. So I didn’t catch onto my tendency to act out IN the midst of my anger until it had BEcome something I just DID. Something I thought was just how I was/am… 


I love you, Currie

2 comments:

Ramble Ann said...

We are learning or least some of us are..lol!

Rita said...

I was taught to suppress anger. Like I had no right to it. So I didn't even realize I was angry for a very long time. I was, and still am, very intimidated by angry people--but not as much as I used to be.