Generally speaking, I consider playing fair to BE playing so that if anyone could see I’d have nothing to hide.
Yet, this is ALWAYS the case. I see. I know. And God sees and knows.
Lately I have been deliberately avoiding talking to two people I love talking with every week.
In one case BEcause I am making choices and changes and don’t want to navigate the opinions, suggestions, and, okay, the general bossiness that turns me into a defensive little girl in a blink…
The other one is that I just feel a little too exposed and vulnerable. I can suck it up and have that conversation, same as the other.
I am just playing fair with myself. Putting my need to regain footing and strength BEfore my desire to have 2 weeks go by without those calls happening.
Mostly I wouldn’t see playing fair in this light. Mostly, that is, up until Now. Something is shifting in me, and on top of all that has already shifted, it’s a considerable drift. I’m pleased with myself and proud of myself for honouring myself in this way.
And I am surprised. This is so NOT like what I would have considered Me BEing Me…
However odd it might seem to me, I like this sort of playing fair.
I love you, Currie