Fortunately, disappointments have little to do with circumstance and everything to do with perspective. Everything. [www.tut.com]
Gracie and I had the best walk this morning. It’s the first time that I’ve felt my body moving and it did NOT feel weird, foreign, NOT mine.
Then I got irritated, annoyed, bothered by buzzing mosquito-thoughts.
I hate this feeling sick and weak and tired and crankypants. I hate that I have sharp edges and sometimes don’t care about the things and the people I care about. I hate that I worry and try to work things out. [aka control outcomes]
I hate the word HATE. And yet here I have used it 5 times. But that is what is true for me Right This Minute.
It is all about perspective. And when the chemo is DOing its thing and bringing on its myriad circumstances, I am NOT the one in control. AND, I am NOT the one who is pretty awful either. But it is hard to remember that all the times I need to remember that.
And Round 3 BEgins tomorrow… So: I will enJOY this good walk feeling; and this feeling like myself again, where things taste, [and even taste delicious]; and people just make me smile and feel glad we are sharing this Time and Space together.
I love you, Currie