People like to say love is unconditional, but it's not, and even if it was unconditional, it's still never free. There's always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won't be happy unless you are ... I just don't want that responsibility. [Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility]
I have always been intrigued by unconditional love. It sounds so nice. But it also sounds like one of those here-is-what’s-different-about-me things. I’ve never found love to BE free of some sort of condition and expectation. And if I forget to squint just so at that finding, no matter what, I am dubious and on my guard.
I don’t say this with negative intent, but I know I have certain expectations of Gracie, as she does me, and anyone who knows the two of us would point to an “unconditional love” BEtween us.
Mostly I think it is the responsible thing to clarify my limitations, my boundaries, and my expectations. NOT necessarily to anyone else, but certainly within myself. When I don’t, or at least when I have NOT done so, those are the places where I can point to things BEing “fubar.”
Just me thinking out loud.
I love you, Currie