Thursday, January 15, 2015

Currie's Gratitude 15 January 2015

In my experience, anger and frustration are the result of you not being authentic somewhere in your life or with someone in your life. Being fake about anything creates a block inside of you. Life can’t work for you if you don’t show up as you.   [Jason Mraz]

I hit a wall head-on yesterday. I’m still frustrated. I’m still angry, though it is a sort of free-floating anger, or mayBE it is that I am angry with myself. With my reaction. With my frustration.

Mum fell. It didn’t have to happen, but it did. So there it is. Just the facts.

I was right there, but I couldn’t stop her fall, and I couldn’t pick her up. Even if she has lost 50+ pounds. So thank goodness for an alert button I pushed [handily placed in the bathroom, right next to where she landed, on her knees] and for Larry, who came and got her up…

All of her recent sweetness and her oft-expressed appreciation for me seemed to vanish after this. And I’d hurt myself, too, with the rushing about and trying to “fix” things. That frustrates me. That I am limited. That I canNOT take care of my mother.

I don’t know that I’m grateful for frustration. Or my anger. I’m just trying to BE me.

I love you, Currie


Rita said...

People fall with care workers and nurses right there in the room. Falls happen so quickly that you can be right there next to them and not be able to prevent it. Even if your mother blames you--don't accept her thoughts...her guilt putting. She is just upset, too, because she can't do what she used to do. It is easier to shift blame or shift reality. You are not infallible. You are only human. *love and hugs*

Anke Martin said...

Sending strength and healing vibes to you both. xoxoxoxo

Carol said...

Rita is right...SHIT HAPPENS! Your Mother is just as upset as you right now and maybe even more so. It's not easy for mothers to depend on their children for their care it's supposed to be them caring for us. Her anger and frustration is just misplaced right now. Hopefully you will both recover from your injuries quickly. Sending you STRENGTH AND LOVE with a strong dose of PATIENCE thrown in there too ♥