Such is life,
imaginary or otherwise: a continuous parting of ways, a constant flux of
approximation and distanciation, lines of fate intersecting at a point which is
no-time, a theoretical crossroads fictitiously 'present,' an unstable ice floe
forever drifting between was and will be. [Sol
Luckman, Beginner's Luke]
Writing is hard. I am a sore noodle-body. So I’m pushing myself, making “a
constant flux of approximation and distanciation” out of this time when I'm
somewhat caught apart from My Life.
Oh, never and forever
aren't for mortals, love. But we won't be parted till I know it's right that we
part. [Ursula K. Le Guin, Lavinia]
The hardest part of this sickness is feeling cut-off. On the
other hand, I feel that everything is progressing in a more natural fashion.
There’s talk of Mum coming home, when some modification has been done, and in
the ER yesterday, my oncologist came and put me on hospice.
I imagine it may sound odd that I’m glad of that, but I am.
If I had been on it the past week I would NOT have had to BE home entirely
alone. And I could have still seen Mum on the Palliative Care Unit.
Such things in Life don’t step to my tune, they just ease
in, like you land a canoe.
I love you, Currie
2 comments:
The people who work with Hospice are truly amazing. They are there when you need them and will come at odd hours. I am sad that you were totally alone last week... that is not a pleasant feeling at all. Hopefully that will not happen again. I think of you often throughout the day so I am there with you often even though you can not see me ..if you try real hard you may feel me ♥ Sending you all the Strength and LOVE I can gather and blow in the winds your way.
So glad you both will have people there to help you out. Like in that quote, sometimes life feels like it is drifting, floating, shifting too fast for us to grasp. And yet we never do have hold of it in the first place. We are always just a present moment. May you--and your mom, too--feel secure, safe, and tended with kindness. :)
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