The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people. [Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture]
I recall first reading this, how it struck me as something that had all along been hiding in plain sight. I had an entirely different interpretation of what I called the “brick walls,” but it wasn’t long until I came to see things in a new way.
Chemo has been a brick wall for me. I’ve gone through it, sometimes, thinking I should. With an attitude of I’ve got to DO whatever I CAN DO. Somehow having cancer almost demands one have a good fighting heart.
And yet, Right Now, the first moments of a day when I feel almost human after 3+ days lost in the haze of pain and nausea, I wonder who came up with this equation. The very LAST thing I have felt is my heart up for the fight.
I’m a little confused about my position on brick walls Right Now. But I am keeping my heart and mind open.
I love you, Currie