Monday, March 30, 2015

30 March 2015

Jealousy always has been my cross, the weakness and woundedness in me that has most often caused me to feel ugly and unlovable, like the Bad Seed. I’ve had many years of recovery and therapy, years filled with intimate and devoted friendships, yet I still struggle. I know that when someone gets a big slice of pie, it doesn’t mean there’s less for me. In fact, I know that there isn’t even a pie, that there’s plenty to go around, enough food and love and air.
But I don’t believe it for a second.
I secretly believe there’s a pie. I will go to my grave brandishing my fork.
    [Anne Lamott, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith]

I’ve thought a LOT like this, and yet I am no longer brandishing anything. I’m relaxing my grip. I am realising that when I have had something so wrong as a BElief, perhaps the only thing needed is to Let It Go.

And don’t pick it up again!!!

These are the words I want on my gravestone: that I was a helper, and that I danced.   [Anne Lamott, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith]

That sounds spectaculicious to me, too. I’d prefer BEing an Encourager, and that I danced. And laughed. And lived right up til the very last bit of The End.

I love you, Currie


Julie Jordan Scott said...

My blogspot comments keep not getting through, so this is my final attempt.

I love Anne Lamott. I want my memorial marker to say simply, "With Gratitude,Julie" like I'm signing a letter.

Loved visiting you today.

Rita said...

I remember when I was 15 writing about how my hope was that when I died I wanted people to think of me and smile. Even if they didn't remember my name or couldn't recall my face...that there would be a memory of a moment that made them smile.

You will definitely be remembered with smiles, Currie. :)

Ellen MikaBrown said...

Perfect. Our art has brought us together over the miles and I am so grateful to have intersected paths. You have brought so much to my life. In my thoughts, Ellen

Carol said...

You have brought laughter and music to my life in our short time together. You have encouraged me to accept my limitations and live life to the fullest even if it's not what I imagined it would be. For this I am eternally grateful!!! I think if you with a smile and bright colors of the rainbow. But mostly I think of you as my friend. Sending LOVE & STRENGTH AND HEALING OF SPIRIT!

pauline said...

love the art, dear Currie, and especially your words of wisdom (and the words of Anne Lamott!) i love her life philosophy too. Yes. You ARE an encourager and i'm willing to bet you've helped others dance & laugh along the way with you. That, my dear, is more precious than gold. Love you lots, Currie. BIG hugs to you from Canada. xx