Currie's Gratitude 31 July 2014

Sometime in your life you will go on a journey. It will be the longest journey you have ever taken. It is the journey to find yourself.   [Katherine Sharp]

Sometime is Now. That’s the secret I kept forgetting. And why I kept trying to get somewhere, someone, or something.

I feel like a traveller. At times a weary one. Still, for probably the first time EVER I am simply where, who, and what I am. It’s Enough. I am Enough. And what is is Enough. It’s like taking a deep breath. Or realising I’d been holding it for awhile.

The Journey isn’t necessarily measurable, like BEing the “longest” ever. It’s just that finally I know the Whole Thing is the Journey. My plans and schemes and ideas, they are just what’s rolling in me Today.

I have learned a HUGE lesson over the past 8 years: Forgive Everyone, especially myself. Even if no one hears or knows it, ever; even if it’s someone who I knew a long time ago, who probably doesn’t remember me, forgive them. Forgive myself.

And don’t BE afraid to remember someone or some time. Even if it stings. Even if it stings a LOT. FORGIVE. REMEMBER. And Let Go. Breathe. Make room for healing and Hope and things that will surprise and amaze…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 30 July 2014

A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.   [John Steinbeck]

Life is funny. Just a short time ago I thought I had a handle on mine. I was powering along, sometimes happy with the way of things, others less so, but mostly I was just going along.

Now I am often BEwildered about what it was I could have found to BE NOT to my liking. After all, isn’t this somewhat the way of humans?! We categorise and organise and summarise. We sum things up. We cut losses.

Today I am choosing happy first. I am deciding that whatever is is okay with me. NOT that I love it, but it’s my Life, my Day, so what’s the draw in choosing other than happy?!

Chemo has done a number on my mouth. Ouch Ouch Ouch!!! Can’t talk without pain. Eating is BEyond me.

So I am choosing to invent new-to-me smoothies and to stick to drinking water. I DO what I CAN DO to comfort or at least ease the pain. Even for a moment.

And BEyond that it’s all about trusting that this is simply my Journey.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 29 July 2014

The point isn't to win the game. The point is to play a beautiful game.   [Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear]

It sort of knocks me sideways when I realise the things I would NOT BElieve, the things I was sure were BEyond reason… This past week has given me many chances to “try another way” in terms of how I live with cancer.

The reason the oncology folks are so thorough about side effects is BEcause, just like cancer, we all get what we get. There isn’t just one way. We’re all just little snowflakes and when I think of it that way, it feels a whole LOT better.

I am determined to enJOY this new Adventure Life has given me, so, I’m finding the JOY in feeling how I am feeling. I am learning to deal with what is as just one more what is in my Life.

What doesn’t make sense, will make sense. [The Universe www.tut.com]

This was yesterday’s Perpetual Calendar message. I really liked the simplicity of it. Those who are treating and caring for me told me what could happen. This way things that DON’T make one bit of sense feel exquisitely ordinary. Simply amazing!!!

I am grateful. And I am grateful for how practising Gratitude let’s me BE happy in advance.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 28 July 2014

Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.   [Erol Ozan]

When a thing is true for me, well, it is. And that doesn’t always make sense, even though I think it should…

Getting lost feels pretty awful and I won’t tell you I’d seek it out, yet Every. Single. Time. that I have been lost I have come back stronger, even a little wiser. The past few days have been potentially lost, yet simply by embracing the “ick” of them, I am finding my path to BE really quite lovely.

Some journeys take you farther from where you come from, but closer to where you belong.   [Ron Franscell, The Sourtoe Cocktail Club: The Yukon Odyssey of a Father and Son in Search of a Mummified Human Toe ... and Everything Else]

Life is a funny thing, eh?! I have wondered at my zig-zagging these past 8 years, yet Now it looks utterly, completely exquisite. A perfect fit. Who would have guessed?!

My hand-stitched wings itch to take flight to test the winds of change that inevitably blow  at the end of a cycle.    [B.G. Bowers, Death and Life]

Cycles are curious. Somehow they don’t stand out until they are Past. BEhind me. Over even.

So I’m learning to NOT make up my mind. And to remain openhearted.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 25 July 2014

Don't be discouraged if people don't see your vision, your harvest. All they see from their perspective is that you're watering a whole lot of dirt. They don't SEE what seeds you've been planting with blood, sweat, tears and lack of sleep. Make sure you don't abandon or neglect it because "they" don't see it. You have to KNOW and believe for yourself. They don't see the roots and what's budding under the dirt. But it's okay, because it's NOT meant for them to see it. While you wait, MASTER it. You continue to do YOUR work and have unwavering faith! Remember why you started planting in the first place. Your harvest WILL come!   [Yvonne Pierre, The Day My Soul Cried: A Memoir]

It’s NOT so good to NEED others or even another to get it… get me. I am really only finding this out Now.

That is enough though. I don’t so much mind, NOT as I would have imagined at all.

There is a sort of peaceful acceptance in me Now. I seem to BE understood. Or mayBE it is that I realise my own understanding is really all I have ever sought…

So far chemo has been stealing my sleep. Taking away my appetite. NOT so bad, really, NOT bad at all.

Making this possible?!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 24 July 2014

Life's journey is peppered with many bumps and pitfalls. If we make mountains out of each one, we will get nowhere. [Charles F. Glassman, Brain Drain The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life]

Good thought. I used to BE a mountain builder and all too fond of drama. It occurs to me, then, that what is different Now is I trust all “mountains” I encounter to BE scalable. I trust that they are meant for me to grow from. I’ve lost all taste for drama which has allowed growth unimaginable by Me Then.

Take steps. Take enough of them and suddenly, you're somewhere. [Gayle Forman, Sisters in Sanity]

The whole idea of Life is to LIVE. To BE. To DO. To fail. To rise up again. Or BE still and quiet awhile sometimes. Even to push myself a bit harder in some stretches. Life is NOT about arriving or where I was BEfore, it is all about Right Now. This moment. This breath. This. As it is. As it is NOT.

There are no shortcuts on the road of life. Not a single one. [Eleanor Brownn]

I used to seek out shortcuts. And sure things. And a plan. And even a GUIDE [or certainly instructions].

Now I DO okay just following my path.

Taking this Life on JOYously.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 23 July 2014

It's not getting from A to B. It's not the beginning or the destination that counts. It's the ride in between...This train is alive with things that should be seen and heard. It's a living, breathing something -- you just have to want to learn its rhythm.   [David Baldacci, The Christmas Train]

A new ride BEgins. I feel hopeful. I have prepared for a multitude of possibilities and I hope that I have way overdone that. Still, it feels good to take care of myself. To listen. And respect what I hear inside me.

Abhor victimhood. Denounce entitlement. Neither are gifts, rather cages to damn the soul. Everyone who has walked this earth is a victim of injustice. Everyone.
Most of all, do not be too quick to denounce your sufferings. The difficult road you are called to walk may, in fact be your only path to success.   [Richard Paul Evans, A Winter Dream]

What I know Now that I did NOT know 4 months ago is that I CAN live with cancer. It has adjusted to me as I have adjusted to it. I surely did NOT see this coming.

I didn’t know how much I can depend on me. JOYously. Easily. And pretty much all the time.

Which is WHY I so deeply trust this journey…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 22 July 2014

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.   [Gerry Spence, How to Argue & Win Every Time: At Home, At Work, In Court, Everywhere, Everyday]

Sometimes people can BE challenging, eh?! Even if their intentions are good?! Still I am saying it and I am concluding that this is just Life BEing Life. We human people can BEcome so firm in our BEliefs that oftentimes Wonder canNOT find its way in. Or out…

We are headed toward the unknown, and we have no choice but to sit quietly in our hard seats and let ourselves be taken there.   [Christina Baker Kline, Orphan Train]

Tomorrow chemo BEgins for me. I’ve been reminded of past times feeling puny and have tried to accommodate an assortment of needs or wants once the train leaves the station. I am glad I am able to follow the bouncing ball and sit quietly in my NOT-too hard seats of all sorts on this ride called My Life. Right Now.

Our worries and concerns are expressions of our inability to leave unresolved questions unresolved and open-ended situations open-ended.   [Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out]

There is no script on this, no last pages I can read to see how this story unfolds. So it is extra-specially sweet sharing it with YOU.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 17 July 2014

Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation.   [Graham Greene]

I am grateful that I write. The act of writing, NOT the product, is key. I am saved time and again by this simple act of stringing words together.

Most of us forget to take time for wonder, praise and gratitude until it is almost too late. Gratitude is a many-colored quality, reaching in all directions. It goes out for small things and for large; it is a God-ward going.   [Faith Baldwin, Many Windows, Seasons of the Heart]

I think BEing an adult can imply that Wonder is seen as a childish quality. That’s just wrong. Wonder is what makes me get up in the morning and what calls me to sleep again in the evening.

It makes me wonder, Do we spend most of our days trying to remember or forget things? Do we spend most of our time running towards or away from our lives? I don't know.   [Markus Zusak, Fighting Ruben Wolfe]

Hmmmmmmm…

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.   [e. e. cummings]

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 16 July 2014

...Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we knew all about everything, would it? There'd be no scope for imagination then, would there?   [L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables]

Staying open to Wonder is a requirement for me. It is non-negotiable. Even with this cancer stuff. I approach it with Wonder. I look at this experience as an immense opportunity to learn, discover, BE wrong, and even BE afraid.

When you don't cover up the world with words and labels, a sense of the miraculous returns to your life that was lost a long time ago when humanity, instead of using thought, became possessed by thought.   [Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose]

I am moving into another phase of treatment and again I have a LOT of questions. And I know they will remain questions that can only BE answered by Experience. I try to imagine, I read, and I hope that I will BE strong enough to remain open to Wonder.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down  [Charles Chaplin]

It is good to realise this truth. And it is truly true!!!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 15 July 2014

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.   [Albert Einstein]

I seem to have as many questions as I DO days. In fact, I have way more than one question at a time. Still, I think I shall BE this way always. I don’t always [or even that often] voice my questions, but that makes me no less curious. Sometimes answers come by living Life as it unfolds. Others they don’t really come at all.

Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.   [Socrates]

I think wonder is the BEginning of BEing human. I think it is the magic key that unlocks that which is most important, BE that wisdom or silliness.

Once there were brook trout in the streams in the mountains. You could see them standing in the amber current where the white edges of their fins wimpled softly in the flow. They smelled of moss in your hand. Polished and muscular and torsional. On their backs were vermiculate patterns that were maps of the world in its becoming. Maps and mazes. Of a thing which could not be put back. Not be made right again. In the deep glens where they lived all things were older than man and they hummed of mystery.   [Cormac McCarthy, The Road]

A BEautimous understanding.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 14 July 2014

Look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time: Thus is your time on earth filled with glory.   [Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn]

I’ve been trying to live in each one of my days as though it were both my first and last to live fully and enJOY completely. It’s helpful for keeping myself on an even keel, something I seem to lose a lot lately. And that’s the wonder of it. It takes just a little remembering and I find myself on solid ground again.

Do you ever wonder why things have to turn out the way they do?   [Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember]

I don’t wonder this so much since I came to see that “turning out” is just living on. Some things are harder than others to understand. And sometimes it’s actually something of a relief; yet all it boils down to is living on… playing through.

words are like nets - we hope they'll cover what we mean, but we know they can't possibly hold that much joy, or grief, or wonder.   [Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart]

As much as I love words, they can BE limited. Or misunderstood. Even misread.

So it has to BE Enough, my best effort to express myself.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 11 July 2014

I think us here to wonder, myself. To wonder. To ask. And that in wondering bout the big things and asking bout the big things, you learn about the little ones, almost by accident. But you never know nothing more about the big things than you start out with. The more I wonder, the more I love.   [Alice Walker, The Color Purple]

Wonder. Wondering. Such remarkable gifts. It’s NOT about knowing MORE, it’s about wondering more. Leaving room, always, for surprise to come calling.

If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. Expect to be accommodated.   [Victoria Moran, Lit From Within: Tending Your Soul For Lifelong Beauty]

Even though expecting anything is generally always NOT a good thing, I like the idea that I might simply expect to BE accommodated.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.   [Arthur C. Clarke, Profiles of the Future: An Inquiry Into the Limits of the Possible]

What a deLIGHTfull insight! And if I will merely wonder at it, well, it makes good sense!!!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 10 July 2014

It’s not that we have to quit this life one day, but it’s how many things we have to quit all at once: music, laughter, the physics of falling leaves, automobiles, holding hands, the scent of rain, the concept of subway trains... if only one could leave this life slowly!   [Roman Payne, Rooftop Soliloquy]

It’s remarkable, when you think about it, the vast difference BEtween losing or quitting and Letting Go. And it makes sense to me, appreciating it all, Right NOW, in this moment.

We are not going to change the whole world, but we can change ourselves and feel free as birds. We can be serene even in the midst of calamities and, by our serenity, make others more tranquil. Serenity is contagious. If we smile at someone, he or she will smile back. And a smile costs nothing. We should plague everyone with joy. If we are to die in a minute, why not die happily, laughing?    [Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras]

It’s amazing, isn’t it, what happens when you smile at someone?! Or let laughter flood your World?!

Laughter is wine for the soul - laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness - the hilarious declaration made by man that life is worth living.   [Seán O'Casey]

Life IS sooooooo worth living.

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 9 July 2014

We read to learn and to grow, to laugh, to be motivated, and to understand things we've never been exposed to. We read for strength to help us when we feel broken, discouraged or afraid. We read to find hope. We read because we're not just made up of skin and bones, and a deep need for chocolate, but we're also made up of words, words which describe our thoughts and what's hidden in our hearts.   [Joan Bauer]

Sometimes, well, actually for pretty much all my Life up until and including Right Now, I have loved words. Laugh is one I especially love. And Learn. And Listen.

Words have a power that I can never describe adequately. And they have that just BEing themselves, but in the hands of some, they are magical.

He laughed and it sounded startled and a bit rusty, as if he didn't do that very often.   [Amanda McCabe,  Running from Scandal]

This is quite a word-dance, don’t you think?! I have had times that were so sparse in laughter. And when I would have some or hear it, the sound was “rusty.” What a word.

And her laugh was enough to make you want to kick over what you were doing and follow her down the street.   [Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch]

Go ahead!!!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 8 July 2014

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept love in return.   [Maya Angelou]

My great hope is to laugh way more than I cry. To DO something each day that makes a difference. And to love with an open heart. Sometimes there may BE love in return, but I will choose to love anyway.

But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being for the moment. No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open, completely themselves when that message hits the brain and the laugh begins. That's when new ideas can be implanted. If a new idea slips in at that moment, it has a chance to grow.   [George Carlin, Last Words]

Years ago I saw George Carlin. I was sick and I went anyway. I felt horrible, but he just kept making me laugh. Laughing times seem to stand taller than the others I remember.

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.   [Criss Jami]

Giggling along…

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 7 July 2014

Life is too hard to maintain a constantly serious outlook. You have to laugh at yourself and the world now and then―see humor in undesirable circumstances, even harsh situations―or you will either rot from the inside or go stark-raving mad. Humor is power against the worst oppression. It lightens heavy burdens; it allows one to smile while in agony; it eases excruciating pains. In short, humor makes the intolerable tolerable.   [Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, & Grumblings for Every Day of the Year]

I’m taking some Time away from Using My Words. I’m using my Time to Just BE Now. NOT for DOing any of the all-channels-all-cancer-all-the-time stuff that swallowed whole the months of April, May, and June. It’s been nice.

I forgot that I write for myself. For my sanity. For my company. I enJOY making words and making art BEcause when I am DOing those sorts of things I am inclined to laugh. To imagine. To play. To discover. And to smile.

I make no apologies for the Time I am enJOYing in My Life Right Now. It’s what I need, yet more than that it is what I WANT.

Time to BE. Time to DO Nothing. Time to think. Or NOT.

Laughter is the only medicine, without side effects.   [Shannon L. Alder]

Absotively!!!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 2 July 2014

Workers must root out the idea that by keeping the results of their labors to themselves a fortune will be assured to them. Patent fees are so much wasted money. The flying machine of the future will not be born fully fledged and capable of a flight for 1,000 miles or so. Like everything else it must be evolved gradually. The first difficulty is to get a thing that will fly at all. When this is made, a full description should be published as an aid to others. Excellence of design and workmanship will always defy competition. (1894)   [Lawrence Hargrave]

I wonder often at the way we live in 2014. And then this, from 120 years ago comes and shows me a glimpse of why…

You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself.   [Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass]

I never realised that this was just how it goes. But indeed it does. Oh indeed it does.

Don't let yourself stagnate or reach a plateau. Keep learning, keep improving. Be open to change. Your ability to constantly raise the bar higher and set standards will help you evolve and take you to the next level.   [Roopleen]

NOT so much the higher bar or next level, just keep following that BEautimous bouncing ball!!

I love you, Currie

Currie's Gratitude 1 July 2014

It is easier to live through someone else than to complete yourself. The freedom to lead and plan your own life is frightening if you have never faced it before. It is frightening when a woman finally realizes that there is no answer to the question 'who am I' except the voice inside herself.   [Betty Friedan]

I used to think I was less BEcause I was NOT part of a couple. Or a family, growing up. Now I realise that I have had just what I’ve needed, all the way along. My Life has grown “smaller” in the past 8 years on my own, and I think this is the best time ever. MayBE just about ME is NOT such a bad thing after all…

Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.   [Joss Whedon]

It always surprises me how “little” my “big moments” are sometimes.

Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.   [Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland]

Indeed. Somewhat puzzling.

I love you, Currie